Friday, December 26, 2008

2008: The Year in Global Warming Derangement

...or GWDS (Global Warming Derangement Syndrome), soon to be given its own chapter in the new DSM-IV

Anyway...FOX News gives us the headline: No Matter What Happens, Someone Will Blame Global Warming. It's got ten of the best examples of GWDS from the year 2008; here's a sampler:

Cannibalism - In April, media mogul Ted Turner told PBS's Charlie Rose that global warming would make the world 8 degrees hotter in 30 or 40 years. "Civilization will have broken down."
Crops won't grow and "most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals," Turner said.

The Death of the Loch Ness Monster - In February, Scotland's Daily Mirror reported that 85-year-old American Robert Rines would be giving up his quest for Scotland's most famous underwater denizen. A World War II veteran, Rines has spent 37 years hunting for Nessie with sonar equipment. In 2008, "despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming."

Beer Gets More Expensive - In April, the Associated Press [the worst and perhaps most wildly insane of the alarmists; see here] reported that global warming was going to hit beer drinkers in the wallet because the cost of barley would increase, driving up the price of a pint....It will mean either there will be pubs without beer or the cost of beer will go up," Salinger said at a beer brewer's convention, the AP reported.

Kidney Stones - A University of Texas study said global warming will cause an increase in kidney stones over the next 30 years, the Globe and Mail reported in July.
Scientists predict that higher temperatures will lead to more dehydration and therefore to more kidney stones. "This will come and get you in your
home," said Dr. Tom Brikowski, lead researcher and an associate professor at the University of Texas at Dallas. "It will make life just uncomfortable enough that maybe people will slow down and think what they're doing to the climate."

Black Hawk Down - Although it happened in 1993, the crash of a U.S. military helicopter in Mogadishu that became the film "Black Hawk Down" was blamed on global warming by a Massachusetts congressman in 2008.
"In Somalia back in 1993,
climate change, according to 11 three- and four-star generals, resulted in a drought which led to famine,” Rep. Edward Markey told a group of students who had come to the Capitol to discuss global warming, according to "That famine translated to international aid we sent in to Somalia, which then led to the U.S. having to send in forces to separate all the groups that were fighting over the aid, which led to Black Hawk Down."

There's more....God, there's more...

And with the inmates about to be given the key to the asylum, you can bet that our 2009 GWDS list will put this one to shame.

Me, I'll be doing what I can to drive these nutjobs into the abyss: Unnecessarily driving my low-MPG Jeep offroad (oh, to avoid, let's say, a red light), using my gas-powered snowblower when an inch of the white stuff falls, using my energy-hogging leaf blower to blow all matter of things around and about, power-washing my house (man, does that thing generate that icky thick white smoke, or what!) as opposed to using a hose, and just in general trying to use as many devices that require a two-cycle (oil and gasoline mix) engine as possible!

That is, until Obama's brownshirted "Unity Corps" breaks down my door and takes them, "in the name of the people and the planet...!"

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