Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Gulf Oil Spill Conspiracy Roundup: Everything You Wanted To Know, But Were Afraid To Ask...

...because after all, you are a "perfect citizen", right?

Obama-directed conspiracy?

President Obama announces a change in national policy on offshore drilling, and 20 days later a platform explodes, creating an environmental disaster that, we’re told, may be worse than the Exxon Valdez. That’s timing so perfect it’s usually associated with Abbott and Costello. There are a lot of folks who passionately opposed the possibility of expanded offshore drilling and who would have the motive to help “enable” an accident that discredited the policy.

New Jersey's crooked Senators
get into the act, with an attempt to create some patently illegal ex post facto laws:

Democratic Sens. Bob Menendez (N.J.), Frank Lautenberg (N.J.) and Bill Nelson (Fla.) intend to introduce a bill Monday increasing the economic liability cap for offshore oil spills from $75 million to $10 billion in response the the Gulf of Mexico disaster, according to a release.

Well, that'll show that oil slick!

Look, the sum of these three guy's intelligence doesn't equal that of one bona fide village idiot,but...

Barack Obama's first
epic fail - an attempt to create a bombastic photo-op:

Despite their frantic requests, no photogenic dying oil-covered birds could be found to form a backdrop for the Presidential tirade as he weighed into BP.

Of course, this was before photos and
media coverage became off-limits...

And really, are we giving our dullard president too much credit here? Maybe Obama's just a pigeon, and the real man behind the conspiratorial curtain is...Rahm Emanuel:

Emanuel lived for five years rent-free in an apartment owned by Rep. Rosa DeLauro, D-Conn., and her husband, Stanley Greenberg, whose consulting firm was a prime architect in BP's efforts to recast itself as a "green" corporation and recipient of hundreds of thousands of dollars awarded through a committee chaired by Emanuel.

And incidentally, is this the worst oil spill ever? Remember a fellow by the name of
Saddam Hussein?

As Iraqi troops retreated from Kuwait, they opened the valves of oil wells and pipelines, pouring up to 8 million barrels into the gulf...

He's been dead for a while now - you can blame George W. Bush for that. But David Axelrod is still with us, and he claimed (as per
Contentions) just this past Sunday that the Gulf oil spill is the “worst ecological disaster ever” . But like most Obama officials, his grasp of history - and reality - is tenuous at best:

If Mr. Axelrod wants some really catastrophic ecological disasters, how about the Aral Sea, where the Soviets diverted for agricultural use all the water that had flowed into it, destroying what had been the fourth largest lake in the world (26,000 square miles), as well as the vast ecosystem (and fishing industry) it had nurtured?

Or how about the London killer smog of 1952 that is thought to have killed upwards of 12,000 people, more than a thousand times as many people as have died in the Gulf Oil spill?

In this country, the worst man-made ecological disaster was, by order of magnitude, the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. Drought and poor farming practices in an area that should never have been farmed at all destroyed 100,000,000 acres. One dust storm that started on the high plains on May 9, 1934, dumped an estimated 6,000 tons of dust on the city of Chicago alone — four pounds per person. New York had to turn on the streetlights in broad daylight the next day. Two and half million people fled the area over the decade. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, died of dust pneumonia. Many more, especially children, died of malnutrition. Others were blinded when dust got under their eyelids...

But the truth doesn't matter when you have an agenda to ram through. Just ask Ken Salazar, Secretary of the Interior, who
changes the facts whenever it is convenient:

The seven experts who advised President Obama on how to deal with offshore drilling safety after the Deepwater Horizon explosion are accusing his administration of misrepresenting their views to make it appear that they supported a six-month drilling moratorium -- something they actually oppose.

The experts, recommended by the National Academy of Engineering, say Interior Secretary Ken Salazar modified their report last month, after they signed it, to include two paragraphs calling for the moratorium on existing drilling and new permits.

Too bad the law caught up with them this time, and
overturned the moratorium:

U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman, who was appointed by President Ronald Reagan ....sided with the plaintiffs.

"If some drilling equipment parts are flawed, is it rational to say all are?" he asked. "Are all airplanes a danger because one was? All oil tankers like Exxon Valdez? All trains? All mines? That sort of thinking seems heavy-handed, and rather overbearing."

This is certainly a bummer - what was the point of blowing up BP Deepwarter Horizon, if not to
choke off the supply of oil, and control what little remained?

Wanting—or creating—scarcity has always been a part of the leftist agenda, on the theory that scarcities create the need for government allocation and control. One of the greatest threats of the current situation is that environmental extremists will use it as a justification to further their misguided agenda.

Well, if nothing else, Obama can at least
destroy the Red States of the Gulf region - by refusing international aid (or did he simply got a "Dutch fleet" confused with a "Dutch rudder"?), ordering the Coast Guard to use safety protocols in order to stop the skimmers from skimming, and by forcing the state of Louisiana to stop building the very sand berms that might have saved their beaches.

And he's still got his oil spill "
commission" as an ace in the hole - stacked with enviorn"mental"ists of the first order:

Only one of the seven commissioners, the dean of Harvard's engineering and applied sciences school, has a prominent engineering background — but it's in optics and physics.

You can be sure he'll take their advice,though...

Need more conspiracy theories? Maybe
the Brits did it themselves! Or maybe - more obviously - Obama wants to loot the oil companies before he destroys them! Like raping your victim, then killing her, I suppose:

President Barack Obama is poised to seize the handling of oil spill damage claims from BP, his chief spokesman said Tuesday, as Obama sought to reassure people he's up to the enormous challenge of helping them recover from the environmental disaster

On the matter of the disputed damage payments, Gibbs said, "We have to get an independent claims process. I think everyone agrees that we have to get BP out of the claims processes ...

But other possibilities still remain. Perhaps the culprit really was....
al-Qaeda? To be shown as weak and incompetent would have been a political death sentence for The One....

Or perhaps - only slightly less realistic - the Gulf rig was destroyed by
aliens, trying to fulfill the Book of Revelations:

Pagan Gnostics suggest that the Oil Spill is an expression by a regressive alien consciousness, that does not view itself as being “malevolent“. Rather, this alien consciousness views itself to be angelic, and acting “in behalf of God” to carry out the “Book of Revelation” ...

Weird. But what's really far out - like X-Files far out - is the fact that HHS has built a top-secret medical facility on one of the Gulf beaches. What the f*uck is going on there? HHS isn't saying...

That should give you plenty to think about. Now how about some photos of what's really going on down in the Gulf; photos that Barack Obama desperately does not want you to see? Click here, and be prepared to be sick...

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