Sunday, April 19, 2009

Obama's Socialist Soul Brother Hand Clasp

Sure, you see a picture like this, and you think, "Unbeliveable! The president of the United States giving a big high-five to a man that turned democratic Venezuela into The Sorry Socialist State of Venezuela? What, is he envious of the job Hugo Chavez has done and hopes to replicate it in the USA?"

Well, you couldn't be more wrong. First, Obama is envious of the job Castro has done in Cuba - socialized medicine, broken-down automobiles, armed forces that train with broomsticks, minimal economic growth, minimal oil production, and very little pressure from a populace that has ciome to see their lives as hopeless.
But fear not. That handshake is not a sign of solidarity with the South American Strongman, it is a vicious attack launched by Obama against Chavez in order to sicken him, or perhaps worse.

"All that, in just a handshake? How is that possible?",
you ask.

Well, obviously an American president could not show love for a man who hates America and all of its citizens, right? So why would he offer such a warm and hearty handshake?

It's an attack right out of Kevin Smith's epic film Mallrats - "The Brodie Bruce Stinkhand" (or "The Chocolate Pretzel"). Like all deadly attacks, easy-to-follow instructions can be found on the web:

-Locate your target. Whether it be friend or foe.
-Have a melting chocolate-covered pretzel (Or any food for that matter; the pretzel is twice as funny.)
-Rub your empty hand on your butt. In every place you can think of. (skip showering to make this even funnier.)
-Walk up to your target, give him a high five, but squeeze and rub his hand. Further embelish this by doing your best Brodie Bruce impression and asking "Would you like a -?"
-Your target should take the food. If not, compromise by slapping his hand, pat on the back, etc.
-Walk away, and wait for your mark to realize what just happened...

Obama's on the plane, laughing all the way back to the good 'ol USA. Right?

I mean, he can't be serious with that handshake....can he?

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