Count among those who were stunned on Tuesday night; I had predicted a Romney landslide, and instead I got an Obama bitch-slap.
Probably the best word to describe my emotions is "crushed". I know in my heart that my nation is irretrievably lost. We will surely but certainly become a bankrupt socialist state, with a hard-left supreme court, printing increasingly worthless greenbacks, served by an inferior medical community.
But even worse, the idea of splitting the American people up among racial lines as opposed to drawing us together with common cause is now a thing looked upon positively; thus guaranteeing racial disharmony for a generation. Especially when the money runs out. And the revolution, should it ever come, will not be televised - because the media, more than any group save liberal politicians, are the most deeply invested in the New American Way. (I was deeply, deeply wrong about what I perceived as their waning influence, FWIW)
Crushed is how you feel when something - or someone - you love has died, or is lost to you forever. And that's the way I feel about my country right now, the one once known as the United States of America. It unique moral character died this past week, and - unlike Jesus Christ - will not be resurrected anytime soon.
Me, if I were a hot chick...
So where do I go from here?
I've been blogging since March 24th, 2005, when I laid out a mission statement of what I intended to do with my little roadside stand here on the internet highway...and I pretty much stuck to it. That's over 7 1/2 years of almost daily keyboard pounding, Went from about 30 readers a day to some 700-800 (small time to many, each one precious to me), and even got linked to by some of the bigger big shots. Yay for me, I suppose, but...
What was it all for? Was I no more than just part of the conservative echo chamber, reverberating so loudly in my own room that I thought all were deafened by my (our) fine words? Did I ever influence anybody, change one mind, or write anything that ever made a difference? Did any of us? And if not, what's the point of having an alternative media if it is simply there to preach to the choir?
Don't get me wrong. I want to fight back (and yes, lash out. Sorry). But I am not sure of what the most productive way to do that actually is.
So I may chew this over for a little while. Normally I am a "new content daily!" type of guy, but don't be surprised if I skip a few here and there just to figure this all out. Not saying I am necessarily getting out of the blogging game, but - like the Republican party - I may need to pull the plug, wait 30 seconds, and then re-boot.
Sometimes, when you hurt, you should wallow in your misery. Allow yourself to feel every stab of pain, every pang of loss. And when the black cloud finally passes, you'll find that you suddenly possess the renewed vigor and sense of purpose necessary to move forward. Steely determination replaces weak resolve, and the desire never to return to that dark place propels you ahead, sometimes boldly, sometimes recklessly, sometimes foolishly. But always ahead.
So I may be in that corner for a little while - stripped down to my underwear, sobbing in the dark, clutching an empty bottle of rye. Sometimes, I believe, that's the first step to coming back...