Portland Liberals Regulate, Redistribute Body Odor...

...because if we all can't smell good, no one should smell good. And if one person "raises a stink" about the pleasant aroma of another, then the only logical recourse is that we should act progressively, and stink like a pre-Renaissance plague city:

City leaders unanimously agreed to pass a new policy discouraging personal scented products in the work-place, saying such products can irritate some people's allergies or asthma.

On Wednesday, commissioners said they would adopt the policy that discourages perfume, aftershave, cologne and the use of strongly scented powder, deodorant and other personal hygiene products.

Apparently, the unions approve the passage of this bizarre and intrusive piece of legislation. Are they involved in every bit of national stupidity we see onstage right now?

AFSCME union spokesman Rob Wheaton said they've been in talks with the city over the issue for years.

"...overall this ordinance that they're passing just codifies what's already an existing practice."

I don't believe regulating the scent of people's armpits has ever been an existing practice, although I don't live in Oregon. I live in Jersey, where if you're gonna get close enough to my neck to sniff it, you'd better be a hottie looking for a good spot to land a hickey, or you can expect to find yourself face-planted right into the New Jersey f*cking Turnpike...

My question to my intellectual superiors in Oregon is, can you lodge a complaint against someone who doesn't bathe at all, for forcing upon me a foul odor? Or are they allowed to reek and drop lice larvae in their wake while I are punished for the use of pleasingly pleasant soap and shampoo?


Will the city then raise taxes to pay for a "'pit police", to sniff for scented deodorants? Will their be an "Office of the Olfactory", where offenders are sniffed by government authorities to see if their sense of civilized cleanliness has crossed some sort of leftist line? And, pray tell, how will this affect the town elders? Will the Oregon City Council too foreswear off of after-shave and douching?

Well, not douching, I suppose. But expect waivers to be issued to certain folks who can prove exceptions are necessary, and expect that every last one of them will be Democrats...