From the almighty Onion, without which we would be lost:
Thousands were left stranded at airports nationwide Tuesday, when the Federal Aviation Administration grounded all commercial flights due to the harsh, discordant squawks emitted by a nearby crow. "We apologize to all passengers affected by the cancellations, but he sounds really close," acting FAA administrator Robert Sturgell said at a press conference, adding that the nation's airport security officials have determined that the crow is in either a tree somewhere close by or possibly on a roof. "Flights across the Eastern Seaboard will resume just as soon as we can shoo it away."
In the wake of these recent air traffic delays, President Obama has earmarked $3 billion from the bailout budget to finance the construction of a national scarecrow.
Well, $30 billion is more Barack's style...and how would he pay for it? The Times is glad to tell ya:
The combined effect of the two revenue-raising proposals, on top of Mr. Obama’s existing plan to roll back the Bush-era income tax reductions on households with income exceeding $250,000 a year, would be a pronounced move to redistribute wealth ...
Socialism - the bringer of the Great Scarecrow!