David Letterman: Bitch

So what's the most important thing in the world to the late-night funnymen? An economic crisis that has the potential of spinning the country into a new Great Depression? No, that's great fodder for one-liners ("Can the writers get me a few pickle-barrel jokes, please?").

Apparently, the most important thing in the world is not canceling out on a Late Night gig, no matter what the cause and what your responsibilities may be.

Listen to some of Letterman's bitchy little snarks last night:

"Late Show" host David Letterman treated John McCain's decision to cancel an appearance on his talk show more like a stupid human trick than the act of a statesman.

The Republican presidential candidate said he was halting his campaign activities Wednesday, citing the need to deal with the nation's financial crisis, and called Letterman to drop out of the show's late-night lineup. On the air Wednesday night, Letterman assailed McCain's rationale and, with prickly humor, questioned whether the nominee — now trailing in some polls — was in trouble.

This doesn't smell right," Letterman said. "This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody's putting something in his Metamucil."

Letterman called McCain "a true American hero" but told his viewers: "This is not the John McCain I know, by God. It makes me believe something is going haywire with the campaign."

Instead of suspending a campaign, Letterman said, a presidential candidate should go to Washington to deal with a crisis and let his running mate shoulder the burdens of politicking

So. An expert in politics, he is. Ah, just shut up and dance for me, night-monkey:

"That's what you do. You don't quit. ... Or is that really a good thing to do?" Letterman said, a reference to McCain's running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. "What's the problem? Where is she? Why isn't she doing that?" he asked.

Letterman later asked: "Are we suspending it because there's an economic crisis or because the poll numbers are sliding?"

I'm sorry, little David, that you had a disruption in your show. I understand that to a rich guy like you - who owns a multitude of cars and land and homes and horse farms - this crisis will have minimal affect, and even an Obama tax increase is something you can easily afford to pay.

But guess what, bitch? John McCain doesn't work for you. He works for the American people, and they needed him to make sure the right thing is being done on this whole financial bailout business. So he went to Washington to do his job; to do his duty.

Let Obama sit on your couch and yuk it up, sharing ageism jokes with you while you trade sexist sneers. McCain is trying to help the country - and you, Obama, and Olbermann (McCain's stand in for last night - nice touch) are simply trying to help yourselves.

We are cognizant of the difference.